Blog | If you hear closely..

Artwork by me | Morning MistWell, it was actually last night while going off to sleep that I had the leisure to ponder over the subject of this particular post. As I was fighting it out with the mosquitoes, my cause nursed a blow when the power supply failed. Within seconds, it was all so silent….and yet if you were careful enough to notice, you could hear all sorts of sounds from that darkened envelope of the quilt….

To begin with, there was obviously the constant tantrum of the mosquitoes….. but hearing more intently, I could hear a football game on somebody’s television somewhere….. somebody moving furniture somewhere upstairs…. Then there was that occassional sound of a vehichle passing by…. proceeding sliently and rising to the closest loudness before again gradually dying down in the distance…. like the movement of a heavy tide….

Only a few hours before, while preparing for my papers the next day, I had felt consistently disturbed by my roommate and his favourate singer….. Not that I find it very irritating when someone is playing music but this guy kept playing this same song over and over again…. so much so that at times I found myself mouthing the lyrics instead of my notes….

And then I wondered whether there could actually be something like the ‘sound of silence’…. I mean something that you can just play and then that would just black out all other sounds…. who knows? I mean everything has a counter existence, every thing exists in pairs….very recently we have been able to discover the ‘anti-matter’ for matter….. so there must be something to counter this thing called ‘sound’….

Sound is really just a dusturbance that is caused in the medium around us, I know…. but then there has to be some energy involved in the production and transmission of the disturbance, right? And so there must be some counter-energy for that energy…. What? Sounds far fetched? I don’t know….

But I would find it very comforting to actually play something that could just mask the noise of everything else…..just leave me alone with myself and my hopeless wonderings….. just allow me the company of lonliness for a small while…..

You know what, I have noticed that people don’t generally acknowledge this ‘silence’… I mean there are times when you just want to have it all silent and all for yourself…. when you need time alone to just be there with yourself and not hear anything…… just hear to what you have to say….to expirience what you are feeling inside you…. to know that you are absolute and correct…. to be there in the company of just your thoughts and imaginations….

Fine we do need people to talk to and share and all that…. but what about the times when you sit and talk to yourself? Times when you sit and smile at something, not really knowing you are doing it till somebody asks you the reason for that wide grin on your face…. when there are just these crazy, impossible thoughts in your head which you know are very stupid and lame; and yet you enjoy them just for the heck of it….. Times when you so want to be away from the buzz of the discos and the fast food joints — away somewhere else…. somewhere peaceful….. Those are the times that we usually, almost always brush aside as something worthless….. callin them useless dreams…..whlie they are actually the most intense moments of our everyday lives….

Think of the times when you were leaving home for the first time and you saw your parents and your siblings standing there and you so wanted to say something…. anything…. but for that big lump in your throat…..

The time when you were standing with briming eyes on the door of the train waving that long goodbye to your friends who stood there on the platform, also with eyes full….your heart beating fast…. and you wanted to cry out and tell them something, as did they…. but everyone just stood there silently…..

The moment when someone you like looked at you and you were so grateful for that moment…. and you have your hearts so wanting to say it aloud…. and yet the two of you just smiled…..and it was all so beautiful….

The moment when you scored higher marks than the best student in class… and you are so proud of yourself….. When you finally sit alone in your room after telling everyone about something big that you have just achieved….. The moment when you have finally put that satisfying full stop on the last paper of the big exam you had been preparing for months….

You know these are the times when we face such a dead loss of words…. when it is felt like everything is “understood”…. its all so complete….. nothing needs to be said….. as if there is no word that can fathom what we feel then…..

Ever felt that soothing blank when its late at night and you find yourself wide awake…. just gaping at the ceiling…. when you sit in your balcony and do nothing but just look at the antics of a wayward insect…. ever enjoyed that long, deep silence when Bryan Adams stops in the song and a moment later goes on “….please forgive me! I know not what to do….”…..

Ever found yourself sitting with those old pictures that you have already seen just so many times…. and yet they feel so new even now…. times when you sit there and hopelessly stare at that full moon in the cold night sky…..times that let you feel so blissful and blessed….

Well that is when we take the deepest sigh and feel so happy…. so content with ourselves and wish that life could just be like that always….

[Sigh] ………..