Blog | English ambition

'I wandered as lonely as Wayne Rooney playing up front for England.'

‘I wandered as lonely as Wayne Rooney playing up front for England.’

Note | This post had been written after the English team had quit the World Cup, LAST time, i.e. in 2008.
Happy hooting for the three lions!

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Yeah yeah I know.. irrespective of your loyalty or otherwise for the English Football team.. you must be emotionally very high right now..

As for me, I cannot decide. Its plain and simple. England are out. So what! No surprises. Had they actually survived it, they would have spared a few matches more.. but would have been out sooner or later.

Its destined! Its a rule! ENGLAND CANNOT WIN THE WORLD CUP!

You can actually patent that. You can bet a fortune on it. You can have that tattooed on your arm. You can have it listed in an encyclopedia. Its a fact!!

And after the sorry show against Germany, I have my ratings and comments for the English team that has just been dragged and booted out of the world cup..

Rob Green: Dude! Its a ball! You have to catch it! You do NOT have to make love to it! Its not a girl.. well seems like it does not matter if its a girl or a ball.. it anyways runs outta your hands..you should probably consult Terry or Ashley on this!

John Terry: Well he started the goal rout after he missed the clearing.. what was he thinking about? Wayne Bridge’s wife??

Glen Johnson: He did well for most part of the tournament.. except for when it really mattered today.. in the later stages his fouls suggested he had embraced the fact that England were going to be out and there was no playing further.. so might as well injure some Germans!

Ashley Cole: What was he and Johnson doing in the German box? Weren’t they supposed to be defending? No wonder the shower of goals! Clearly, you need to be in the right place dude.. and not just on the field!

Matthew Upson: He scored one. Fine! But he gifted away four!! Idiot! You had do defend goals!! You are a defender.. or so they say..

Steven Gerrard: Did good.. even before the tournament, had the right frame of mind.. kept pushing the team.. was unfortunate not to score. No harsh words for him. But I seriously pray that he leave Liverpool for his own good!

Frank Lampard: What on earth?? What exactly do you think when you shoot those long goals from nowhere? Hello! You are Frank Lampard! Not harry Potter.. I can imagine his plight.. the only time he score one of his impossible shots today, it was disallowed. Friends and family are advised to make sure he does not hang himself on it. And yeah, you are overrated. I hope you go to Madrid.. coz I hate that team!

Garreth Barry: Few of those players who did not deserve to lose. Had cloning been legal and had we more of his like, the Germans would have been calling their travel agents now!

Shaun Wright Phillips: Dude! I don’t know you! and that’s probably coz you didn’t do much.. You were probably brought on to make sure you later don’t cry about not having played at all..

James Milner: Another player who was excellent right from the first match. Well done. But don’t kill Heskey for not scoring. Let him do it himself!

Joe Cole: Why does he not start? And why was he missing the first two games?? Terry probably did the only good thing by speaking at the press meet for him.. Don worry dude, you were good. Brilliant. and yeah, move to United this summer.

Jermaine Defoe: You should probably ask Rooney what he mixed in Capello’s drink that he played in all the games.. coz even though you played awesome, you were not there in all the matches! and you were substituted!

Emile Heskey: I bet the linesman covered more ground on the pitch than him. There was no movement? Was he on anesthesia?? Was he high?? Was he sleepwalking?? What was it???? He should probably be playing for Mohun Bagan or some team in Bangladesh Football League.. and make way for younger people like Walcott.

David James: You should probably be in Tollywood. You certainly have the dramatics. and you clearly are a rag in front of the goal!

Wayne Rooney: What is it at Old Trafford that makes you tick? Why were you a complete loser for England? Why no goals? Why no assists? Why no trouble for the keeper at all? Why were you in the team? Why did you always find time to shave before a match but never shoot once during it? I like you, dude! But what happened? its the biggest mystery! Suggestion: best change his name to ‘Vain’ Rooney.

And finally….

Fabio Capello: Managed the team excellently.. but only till before the World Cup! He really brought up the team after the Euro fiasco.. helped em qualify with brilliance and awe! But what was it in the World Cup?? Why didn’t he pick Walcott? Why did he not use Joe Cole more? Why did he stick with Rooney when he could have given Defoe and Crouch a chance?? And why Heskey?? WHY?? But I sure hope he does not resign or get sacked.. England need him. He was all in all good.

Well.. that was my assessment of the English Football team’s performance….. or the lack of it.. in the World Cup. Having crawled their way into the last 16, they sure deserved more German goals!

I was hopeful for an English final.. but who was I kidding! Seriously, I feel like suing the team for giving false hopes!

Till the next World Cup, goodbye England! God save the queen and her so called football players!

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/ 2008

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